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If you have a child then you know it is true, that the second you saw them, you knew that you would die for them.
This is a photo taken just 3 days before my child's untimely and tragic passing. She had left me this voicemail on an evening just 3 months and 6 days earlier and I knew that night that somehow her life had taken an unexpected turn that altered our lives forever.
Just 350 days before this photo was taken someone she trusted exposed her to fentanyl, she passed due to fentanyl less than a year from this time.
I lost her in a total of 111 days from the time I knew. My child got lost for a minute and now I have to close my eyes and pull from all the snapshots I took with my mind.
I miss her laugh, physical touch, her voice, her kiss, her hugs and pats on my back, and her looking at me telling me how much she loves me.
Talk to your children about substance use, because it only takes once for a child's life to change. jena's mom
#fentanylchangeseverything #jenasmom #fentanyl #SeeYouWhenIGetThere #1️ #silence #addiction #grievingmom #bereavement #grievingmother #grievingmoms #lovemorebylearningmore #ourloveshared
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Unconditional love
We fall in Love with our Children even before
their arrival.
And our children teach us thereafter what
unconditional love means.
But it's only when a child dies that teaches what unconditional love feels like as their death makes us fall in love with them in ways we never knew were possible.
©Becky Fuqua-Spuhl
Our Children Are Connected to Us
When My Life Ends
The loss of my child, who felt my heartbeat from the inside, is something I will never fully recover from until my heart stops, my life ends and We are Dancing Again. Being Lost is not just a feeling, it's an actual place. So it's okay to sit for a while as even a place like Lost has Doors that will Open. And all of its Doors lead back to Our Children.
©Becky Fuqua-Spuhl
Standing Still
Your Strength is Amazing...
I AM NOT ASHAMED
It will never ask for your permission.
Does Your Heart Stop Working?
Each person who suffers would give everything to go back and change it.
Jena Marie Fuqua 5th year back home
♡Jena Marie Fuqua♡ November 29th, 1997~ October 1st, 2018
♡♡♡
I wonder, did your soul whisper
it was time to return home?
Was there even a minute that
revealed a hint that our life together
was soon coming to an end?
A life that included everyday existence
with evenings to look back on
that all now seem God-Scripted.
Oh, how I wonder if your soul whispered.
©Becky Fuqua Spuhl
♡♡♡
Friday, September 28th, 2018 was the last full day I had with Jena at home, and the last evening we spent together, her final Friday evening physically here.
Jena and I experienced endless amazing moments over our lifetime together, and the days leading up to her passing, that proves to me our love shared is nothing less than God-Scripted.
Those who know me understand the song Hotel California holds significance to me because it's a connection with my late brother David.
I recall vividly the darkness of a beach that was lit only by the moon and a raging bonfire that created some of my best memories spent with my brother.
A family vacation that included him, my sister, and newfound friends living life during our youth with only the smells of a fire combined with the ocean air and music coming from my brother's boom box, playing "Hotel California".
Hotel California by the Eagles, a song that because of that night on the beach with my brother, sister and friends is a forever connection between me and him, as it was for Jena.
Jena made a connection with my late brother, an uncle she only knew in her heart, and I see her closeness with him as God-Scripted now.
I always knew this song was my brother's way of reaching me in life to say he was safe, and that everything was well, and now the meaning of this song has so much more significance, as I know my brother was the first to greet Jena back home.
I sang in a corporate band for more than 13 years and always wanted to perform Hotel California, but the band just didn't have what it took to pull it off.
After joining a new band I told my bandmates about the song I had always wanted to perform, Hotel California, and the reasons why. Thankfully they were willing to try and we found out they were the band that had what it took to pull it off.
I had the opportunity to perform Hotel California during a United Way event on September 28th, 2018. A Friday night that ended up being the last Friday my child enjoyed, and the final evening I spent with her, and our family.
My beautiful child, Jena Marie, was there to watch and cheer me on, and she knew how important the song was to the both of us and was so happy to hear me sing it.
It was a night God-Scripted as I sang and glanced over to acknowledge her and our shared connection, and with her later posting to her Facebook page a picture of me on stage that read, "My Mom is a Rock Star"...
How God-Scripted it was for this to be the last song she heard me perform, and a song that is about, "a journey from innocence to experience"... As she took both in tact, as well as our deep love home with her.
Please say a prayer for my Jena Marie today, October 1st. Please pray that everything she ever dreamed of wanting from life is hers in abundance.
And if you wouldn't mind adding a little prayer for me~ that when I lay my head to rest this evening my dreams are filled with her presence.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your support and love during my 30-Day countdown, and today October 1st, my child's 4th anniversary of returning home.
Jena's Mom
A Song for My Sister Jena
She used to be mine...
This song holds significant meaning to me. Many pains I have yet to face, many pains I cannot speak, write or think of how to process. I may find it my lifetime to do so.
I am proud my child was fighting to get back, to who she used to be before life just slipped in through a back door.
She deserved the World, and I am so proud she knew it at the end.
She is now exactly who she was always meant to be, and is surrounded by only those that give, and love her as deeply as she deserved here in Life...
Am I the Lucky Mom?
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