Humanizing Addiction® is a Registered Trademark
Humanizing Addiction® is a Registered Trademark
Our Love Shared
"As they walked towards the Light, each turned and reached for the only thing that ever mattered... Our Love. They keep us close, our love safe, as they patiently wait.
Remember... It does not matter if you feel not even one step closer. And it doesn't matter if you feel you took a thousand steps back today. As every day is one day closer to Our Next Adventure Together!" ©Becky Fuqua-Spuhl
It isn't easy when our minds imagine how we would want to change the past or anticipate what our future holds while living life with their absence. But if we try our hardest to simply live each moment knowing all this leads to our Next Adventure, maybe we can discover how to completely live and love during our in-between.
Prayers to live in the moment of knowing. Jena's Mom
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We fall in Love with our Children even before
And our children teach us thereafter what
unconditional love means.
But it's only when a child dies that teaches what unconditional love feels like as their death makes us fall in love with them in ways we never knew were possible.
The loss of my child, who felt my heartbeat from the inside, is something I will never fully recover from until my heart stops, my life ends and We are Dancing Again. Being Lost is not just a feeling, it's an actual place. So it's okay to sit for a while as even a place like Lost has Doors that will Open. And all of its Doors lead back to Our Children.
Your Strength is Amazing...
It will never ask for your permission.
Each person who suffers would give everything to go back and change it.
I wonder, did your soul whisper
it was time to return home?
Was there even a minute that
revealed a hint that our life together
was soon coming to an end?
A life that included everyday existence
with evenings to look back on
that all now seem God-Scripted.
Oh, how I wonder if your soul whispered.
©Becky Fuqua Spuhl
Friday, September 28th, 2018 was the last full day I had with Jena at home, and the last evening we spent together, her final Friday evening physically here.
Jena and I experienced endless amazing moments over our lifetime together, and the days leading up to her passing, that proves to me our love shared is nothing less than God-Scripted.
Those who know me understand the song Hotel California holds significance to me because it's a connection with my late brother David.
I recall vividly the darkness of a beach that was lit only by the moon and a raging bonfire that created some of my best memories spent with my brother.
A family vacation that included him, my sister, and newfound friends living life during our youth with only the smells of a fire combined with the ocean air and music coming from my brother's boom box, playing "Hotel California".
Hotel California by the Eagles, a song that because of that night on the beach with my brother, sister and friends is a forever connection between me and him, as it was for Jena.
Jena made a connection with my late brother, an uncle she only knew in her heart, and I see her closeness with him as God-Scripted now.
I always knew this song was my brother's way of reaching me in life to say he was safe, and that everything was well, and now the meaning of this song has so much more significance, as I know my brother was the first to greet Jena back home.
I sang in a corporate band for more than 13 years and always wanted to perform Hotel California, but the band just didn't have what it took to pull it off.
After joining a new band I told my bandmates about the song I had always wanted to perform, Hotel California, and the reasons why. Thankfully they were willing to try and we found out they were the band that had what it took to pull it off.
I had the opportunity to perform Hotel California during a United Way event on September 28th, 2018. A Friday night that ended up being the last Friday my child enjoyed, and the final evening I spent with her, and our family.
My beautiful child, Jena Marie, was there to watch and cheer me on, and she knew how important the song was to the both of us and was so happy to hear me sing it.
It was a night God-Scripted as I sang and glanced over to acknowledge her and our shared connection, and with her later posting to her Facebook page a picture of me on stage that read, "My Mom is a Rock Star"...
How God-Scripted it was for this to be the last song she heard me perform, and a song that is about, "a journey from innocence to experience"... As she took both in tact, as well as our deep love home with her.
Please say a prayer for my Jena Marie today, October 1st. Please pray that everything she ever dreamed of wanting from life is hers in abundance.
And if you wouldn't mind adding a little prayer for me~ that when I lay my head to rest this evening my dreams are filled with her presence.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your support and love during my 30-Day countdown, and today October 1st, my child's 4th anniversary of returning home.
This song holds significant meaning to me. Many pains I have yet to face, many pains I cannot speak, write or think of how to process. I may find it my lifetime to do so.
I am proud my child was fighting to get back, to who she used to be before life just slipped in through a back door.
She deserved the World, and I am so proud she knew it at the end.
She is now exactly who she was always meant to be, and is surrounded by only those that give, and love her as deeply as she deserved here in Life...
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